Mother, Babies and Love

My Child's Brief Existence

I was happily surprised to find out I was pregnant for the first time. The thought of delivering life into this world gave me so much joy. My pregnancy throughout seemed to be normal. My husband and I were so excited, we had to ask the sex of the baby. It was confirmed my angel was a boy. But my hopes and dreams were shattered. At 35 weeks my baby died inside my uterus. Death is not supposed to happen at birth I thought. Babies are supposed to be born alive. Nonetheless this happened to me without any warning.

So, one September night I went to hospital, worried and scared as I couldn’t feel my baby move. The monitor was place on my tummy the midwife kept looking for a heartbeat and nothing. Only silence. She didn’t say a word and left the room. She then called three other midwifes and none of them said anything, I could see sadness in one of them, she was crying silently. I watched the screen for a sign of life but nothing. “I’m sorry your baby has died” was the answer. I was screaming, crying, out of control. I asked them to bring another machine, maybe that one was broken, please don’t tell me my baby is death!.

I was induced the very next day. After a very painful labour my baby  was born at 7.50pm. He was perfect. He was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen. I held him for a few moments, I hugged him and kissed him, he looked asleep.

To me he was still alive.

After that I saw him a few times. I was confused and hurt. I kept asking the midwives to bring him back, I so desperately wanted to see him, to nurse him, to take care of him, to love him… It’s been seven years since my loss. Still, he remains in my heart, like a small wound, that hurts every time a I touch it. I believe his death changed me forever, I’m different. He lives in me.

I now know how special it is to have a baby. How beautiful it is to be mother.

Baby Loss Awaress Week

 

The loss of a baby is a devastating experience for the parents and for those family members and friends involved.

As a result a campaign has been initiated to promote Baby Loss Awareness week. Four wonderful organisations, the ARC (Antenatal Results Choices), Babyloss.com, the Ectopic Pregnancy Trust and SANDS (Stilbirth and Neonatal death charity) are working together to support the 15th of October as national Baby Loss Week within the UK. They also want to promote the Annual Global Wave of light to encourage more understanding and awareness among health and social care professionals of what it means to loose a baby and the impact it has on parents. It also promotes events throughout the country where parents can remember their babies.

This campaign was initiated by a group of parents who were motivated by the Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance day in the United States. These amazing people raised money through the sales of pink and blue ribbons to help organisations supporting bereaved parents and families in the United Kingdom. I believe that this cause deserves our full support and admiration. If you want to find out more, please go to www.babyloss-awareness.org

Nap, Nap, Nap

The joy that comes with a new baby can overshadow a mother‘s needs to rest. Of course, the most important thing for a mother is the well being of her baby. But that usually means some mothers will sacrifice themselves to the point of not getting enough sleep and overdoing things around the house without thinking about the consequences.

However mothers should never underestimate how tired they will feel and never  do more than you can handle during the first few months. For your baby to be well, mum needs to be fit and well-rested to be able to look after baby to the best of your abilities.

As mothers wake up during the night to attend their baby, not getting enough sleep could affect their emotional and physical well-being. Believe me I went though this and was exhausted most of the time.. New moms should take advantage and  sleep when their babies sleep, that must be rule number one! Babies take so much time and energy that napping during the day is the only way to recover and be able to function well.

Make sleep your priority during the first few weeks, even if that means not doing much around the house! Get your husband or someone else to give you a hand. You don’t have to become a super mum all of a sudden,… because you will fail in the process.

It is also a good idea to share night time feeding duties with your husband, and if you are breastfeeding, pump some milk and leave it ready for your husband to give to you baby at night, this will give you extra time to rest. Please don’t forget that YOU come first, I know that our babies are our priority, but in order for you baby to get what he needs from you, you need to look after yourself and get as much help as you can… Sleep deprivation can turn you into a very moody person… Trust me, I know!

Potty training- The Mission

It took me exactly two weeks to successfully potty train my two year old… I waited until he was two because I just had a baby and so it was difficult to look after a new-born baby and to deal with my little potty learner…However most children are ready to be potty trained between 18 and 24 months.

To begin with I talked about it with him for about a week, and then decided on a date to start. I also cancelled all my  meetings and outings , because to effectively potty train your toddler, you will have to devote your entire time to this very important mission…

Once you decide to potty train there is no going back to nappies during the day, just because that will confuse them, so even if there are accidents, keep the pants on and keep the nappies off! for good…

The first morning, make you toddler familiar with his new potty, and explain what it is for, tell him to say good bye to his nappies, and show him his new comfy pants. Explain that he needs to use his new potty just like mummy and daddy do, that can make them more at ease with the idea.

Encourage him to use a word that will let you know when he needs to use the toilet, for me it is chi-chi, or it can be pee-pee, any word that he is familiar with works fine.

 Since toddlers can’t control their bladder you will have to take him to the toilet every ten minutes from the very beginin for the first few days, afterwards just remind him every ten minutes, he will start to have more control and will be able to remember that he no longer has a nappy and therefore be more alert to tell you in advance before any mishap happens.

This practice believe me, really works, after a couple of days you will see that he will tell without you having to remind him. He might get the unusual accident , be patient and don’t get discouraged remind him about his potty. You will also notice that he will feel unconfortable whenever he pees on his pants, so in a way the little accidents helps to complete a succesful potty training.

This is after all one of your child’s biggest milestones… help him conquer it! Good luck and I will post more tips soon.

Letting Go,

 

As I see my children so young, so small, I never really think about the fact that they will grow up one day and leave me…Perhaps I choose not to think about it unconsciously. But it is becoming very clear to me now . My three year old, can’t stop talking about school and how much he wants to go. The other day he woke up and said to me, 'mommy I am going to school' he was still wearing his pyjamas, and yet he put on his shoes and his cap and opened the door and was on his way out! I was so shocked...

 Perhaps it is only nursery, but for me this is a whole new beginning, a new stage in his life, (and mine!) and after this there is no going back….

Certainly, nursery, school, college and even university are ways to prepare us mothers for the inevitable. Just raising our children is like a school for us; that in the same way school prepares our children for their future, the motherhood experience is preparing us for the future that will see our children leaving us to make their own decisions, to make their own lives and ultimately have their own families.

Just the thought, is hard for me, but there is nothing that one can do about it, perhaps the only think that a parent can do is to hope for the best and pray that our children’s future can be bright and full of blessings…. But most of all, the one thing we can do is support them.

 For me what makes him happy will make me happy in the end .

Second-time mother, the challenges

 

Being pregnant for a second time is a blessing for the parents, another baby to share your happiness and your lives with is the most wonderful feeling. It is also great knowing that your toddler will have a little brother or sister to play with… But sometimes for the mother this whole new adventure can be very hard to cope with, because we all know how difficult it is to look after a new born baby let alone a baby and a fussy toddler.

 For me it was very difficult at the beginning, most of all because I didn’t have much help. My husband had to work all the time and my mother lives very far away and also works, so she couldn’t help me much. Consequently it was only me and my little ones all the time. Although it was hard work I enjoyed every second I spent with my babies by myself.

 Having said that  I also know the challenges that a mother faces when looking after very small children all by herself. Therefore I fully support mothers to get help because everyone of us need some ME time in order to keep healthy and sane.

I believe the most important thing is for the mother to feel well one hundred percent, because if mommy is not well, nothing else within the house works well either, and that includes children and husband!. So first thing first, mother has to get as much help and rest as she can in order to feel great and to avoid over stressing.

Don’t feel shy to ask mother, sisters, and friends to baby-sit from time to time, go out with your husband, just the two of you, it will refresh you both… and most of all don’t feel guilty about asking for help, there is nothing wrong with needing some time to rest and recharge your energies, get pampered from time to time and you will be able to go back invigorated and revitalized. You will feel happier and so will your children having a mother full positive energy.

All the best to you.

Nursery, look for the best

It is hard to know when you little one is ready to leave the safety of home and join a nursery when he is under five.

However when the time comes the following requirements have to be met: Check the Ofsted website report to make sure it is a good and competent organisation. Visit the nursery and observe whether the children look content and happy, stimulated and safe. It is a good idea to ask what kind of food they serve the children. It has to be very healthy, of course!. How about going to the toilet, do the staff help them, are there good facilities? Do they have a secure and safe outdoor play area.? That is one of THE most important questions of all. How many children is each staff in charge of at any one time.

All of these points must be fulfilled before considering to register a child at any nursery. You can’t just believe what people say, go and have a look for yourself. When it comes to children everything has to be to highest standards, for their safety and for your peace of mind.

Children's nightmares: Help your child be free of them for good.

Fill their room with beautiful pictures.

The reasons for nightmares are unknown, but perhaps there are factors during the day and even things within the room that can trigger this reaction in a child.. I read a book a while ago and it talked about nightmares, it said that if the child has consecutive nightmares there must be something in the room which is influencing a negative vibration and therefore causing the nightmare.

So this book suggested that we as mothers should look around our children’s room for anything that could have a negative impact on them. Things such as bad video games, if you read the literature on the back or even watch them, you will definitely find that most of these games have bad influences, horrible faces or even swearing, monsters or things that some people may not think much of, but in the long run may affect a child‘s mind considerably. So we must be selective in what goes inside our children’s room or even the house. Certain toys or films that are not suitable for the children should also remain well out of the house. Every single thing that surrounds your child will have either a positive or a negative effect on them so be very observant.

And after you got rid of whatever you think should not be in his or her room, try and help them re-establish a bedtime routine that will give them a pleasant night sleep. Sing a song together, read their favourite book, talk about beautiful things you have done or seen together, and most of all tell him or her how much you love them and will protect them. Children’s imagination is so big it needs to be stimulated with positive, fun things that will help their little minds develop a beautiful and pure imagination.

BreastCrawl

This is the most beautiful video I have ever seen. Those first moments with your baby are a gift from God.Everthing at birth serves a biological purpose. Watch it and share it. Amazing!

Breastfeeding: How to increase breast milk supply

 

Breast milk is the best start you can give your baby. It protects them from infections as it is naturally full of antibodies, vitamins, proteins and minerals. Breast milk has all the nutrients necessary that your baby will need as a child and throughout his life and it gives them more resistance against illnesses. It also helps the healthy development of the brain.

But during the first few weeks it can be hard work and difficult for some new mothers as they don’t produce sufficient milk. However you should not worry as the way you feel will affect the amount of milk you produce. You can try the following natural remedies that have been known to help increase milk production in nursing mothers.

Keep Hydrated. It is very important to drink plenty of water as it helps you to keep producing milk

Drink Aniseed Herbal tea. This is a traditional herbal remedy that has many benefits, it can help increase breast milk, it helps improve concentration and memory function, Alfalfa seed, the Arabic word alfalfa means father of plants. It plays a vital role in the healthy defence of our bodies. Alfalfa seeds are high in calcium and proteins and vitamins. It can be flavoured with mint or honey.

Alfalfa seed. The Arabic word alfalfa means father of plants. It plays a vital role in the healthy defence of our bodies. Alfalfa seeds are high in calcium and proteins and vitamins. It can be flavoured with mint or honey.

Sesame seeds. It is thought to have the same properties as the feminine hormone oestrogen.

Fenugreek: It contains plant chemicals called phytoestrogens which are similar to the female sex hormone oestrogen.

Remember that every time your baby breastfeeds he is having and absorbing all your vitamins so it is very important to have a balanced and healthy diet as well. Keep in mind that you are still eating for two until the day your baby stops breastfeeding.

Children's little questions

My little boy asked me the other day, mommy, was baby I inside mommy’s tummy before , and I said, yes honey when you were a baby he was inside mommy’s tummy and then he came out, he paused for a minute, seemed a bit confused, obviously, he doesn’t know the whole story. But then he said something that made me laugh…

Then mommy eats babies?

And I burst out laughing, what he said as funny as it was,  made sense to him, and even to me!. It was the sweetest and most innocent thing ever… He is only three and he is full of questions that with time, I’m sure he will try and find the answers.

I replied, sweetie mommy doesn’t eat babies, they appear inside mommy’s tummy because they are a miracle from God, they are like a little present, little angels sent from above. … and with that he said, ah, ok mommy.

This is a very difficult question to answer but I know that he will not ask me about this for sometime, hopefully… for now, at least, he knows that I don’t eat babies!